RSM's - Story of service life

Once a Regimental Sergeant Major had it in for you, your days are numbered.I had an encounter with a RSM and managed to keep one step in front of him for a number of months.He thought he'd got me when he transferred me to the Guardroom on the Provost staff. He would call for me nearly every morning and I would be berated for some minor misdemeaner.
So I countered by applying for an immediate transfer for employment in my primary trade, as a Clerk RAOC.
A few weeks later it was confirmed I was indeed a Clerk and was transferred to the Orderly Room.Not to be outdone the RSM got me to be responsible for checking that all those on duty had reported and acknowledged the duty by signing a chitty in the Orderly Room in the morning.
Anyone failing to report I had to notify the RSM so that he could find a replacement.All went well for a few weeks but one afternoon I realised that a member of the guard had not signed in that morning and on checking found he was on leave.So in I goes and informs the RSM at 4:00 pm. "Why didn't you inform me this morning Cpl?", followed by "Get a volunteer or do the duty yourself",
"But Sir, I am a Cpl", "If you don't find a volunteer you will stag on!".Half an hour later I reported that I had indeed a volunteer. "Did he volunteer, or did you order him?", "He volunteered Sir". He didn't believe me but it was true.
I paid him well for his efforts so I didn't loose face.
Having got by that little episode things quietened down and got a bit better.One day a fellow Clerk threw a paper on my desk and mumbled something about pay parade. Being busy I put the paper in my in tray and carried on with my job.It was Pay Parade that morning and I got there a bit late and fell in.
The RSM was Paying Officer and he called out, "Where is Cpl H?" No answer and he started getting agitated and shouting what he would be doing to him. "Cpl Malthouse, Where's H?", "Don't know Sir", "Where's Company Orders?", (Here's the felony) "Don't know Sir".
Well apparently there was an important event coming up and it was on Company Orders and Cpl H was ordered by the RSM to bring a copy on to Pay Parade to read the details.
So when Cpl H eventually turned up and summoned to the RSM to explain himself he explained that he had to urgently go out of the office on a job and had given me the Coy Orders to bring on parade.
So I was called in and asked again the same question to which I replied I had no knowledge. Then Cpl H was called in and asked to repeat his story to me.Well the penny dropped and I could see that I was being blamed but I protested that my statement at the time was true. I didn't know!
So I was charged with making a false statement and "deprived of Lance Appointment".I was very upset by the whole set up because to my mind I had not been untruthful on purpose.
But every story must have a happy ending so here's go.....
By the end of the year I had been posted to Borneo. My sub Lcpl was waiting for me at the new unit, backdated to before I got busted. Plus I was promoted Acting Cpl. News came through that my RSM friend had been caught fiddling the Sgts Mess account, Court Martialed, Reduced to Pte, 6 months imprisonment!
I still had the Regimental entry against me but 18 years on I was invited to provide mitigating circumstances for this offense. I wrote a long letter, much like this message and was rewarded with the Long Service & Good Conduct medal.
God has been good to me over the years.
At British Troops Sharjah in 1970, the RSM was RSM Winterbottom from the Duke of Wellingtons? Can't rememember his first name; to us he was always 'Sir'. I think he was on the LSL and had been in the station for some years with the Commandant. He looked every thing an RSM should look including a mustache with waxed curled up points. which he twisted with his fingers. He didn't have much of a sense of humour. One night the mess was in singing mood and some Sgts pestered him to sing a song.
Now, it was not a good thing to pester the RSM, so we stood back to see what would happen. Well he got up and and gave us a brilliant round of some bawdy barrack song with all the actions. The mess was in raptures. After the applause died down, he turned round to his tormentors and said 'Now bloody well leave me alone!'
As Orderly Sgt you had to watch over all the camp and clear the NAAFI's and Clubs each night. The camp had up to two Inf Coy's and all the supporting arms at company/squadron strength.It was common practice for the Orderly Sgt to get extra's for misdemeanors while on duty.
In fact you were lucky not to get any following a duty.
The Commandant would drive around the camp after closing time and the RSM would be about ten minutes ahead of him clearing up all the drunks in his Rover and dropping them off to their barracks.Of course if there was something still going off at that time it was the Orderly Sgts fault!
At about 7:30 am (tropical hours) there was the hand over of duties at the RSM's office and if there was any problems that the Commandant had seen on his evening tour you could expect up to five extras. Another major sin was to be caught sat down drinking with the lads in the NAAFI.
There was only four SNCO's in the HQ British Troops Sharjah plus the RSM. The RQMS, Chief, clerk, Armourer and my self, 'Socks and Boots'. When the RSM wanted company, and most time he drank on his own, we were expected to share his table.He told us one day that a Sgt questioned his right to punish a SNCO by giving extra duties.
Winterbottom said, 'Punishment?' 'Punishment'? I'm not punishing you!'Last night you failed in your duty as a SNCO!' 'Now I'm giving you the opportunity to prove that you are a capable Sgt'.'Or would you prefer me to put you in front of your OC?''I'll take the extra duties, Sir'